Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my
program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the
new program began Unexpected child processing and also took
up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't
mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches itself
during Systems initialization, where it monitors all other
system activities. Applications such as "Boys'
Night Out 2.5 " and "Clubbing 5.3" no longer
run, and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to
operate selected "Saturday Soccer 6.3" always
fails and "Sunday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I
cannot seem to keep "Wife 1.0" in the background
whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0",
but un-installing doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help?

AND THIS IS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0
to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM DESIGNED BY IT'S CREATOR TO RUN EVERY PROGRAM
WITHIN IT'S DOMAIN. You are unlikely to be able to
purge Wife 1.0 and still Convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as
Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system
once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife
2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual
under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having "Wife 1.0" installed myself, I recommend
you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best
as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you
think has caused them, You must run the
C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE\ME program and avoid
attempting to use the *Esc-Key. It may be necessary to run
C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE\ME a number of times, and
eventually hope that the operating system will return to
normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance
programme, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it,
consider buying additional software such as "Flowers
2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or
"HUGS\KISSESS 600.0" or "SEX 500.0" or
"TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even
"C:\EATINGOUT\WITHOUT.THE.KIDS 7.2" (if
child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1
Short Skirt Version" (any version), as this is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will
almost certainly crash.

BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst

 

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