One of the most frustrating things is to be expected to do something that you were never taught how! Imagine how your child feels when you expect them to make good life decisions! Just because your child turns 18, they don’t magically become wise or mature! That starts 17 years earlier!
The children and young adults of today feel lots of pressure because of the many expectations and requirements put on them by many who call themselves adults. They are expected to know things, understand things, and behave a certain way, but were never taught how to do any of those things. Too often the responsibility of the parent has been transferred to the child. I have listened to too many stories about children being expected to take care of their younger siblings because the parents are parenting. Even worse they don't give the older child (as young 7 years old) any resources to make it happen! Many are too young to drive. They aren't left with food or money to buy any. These stories are not confined to just one group of people, they cross ever religion, nationality and country.
Often times the parent wants to be their child friend and not their parent. Can you image how the child must feel. Because the parent feels they missed some of their childhood and it's O.K. to take it from their children! When there is a history of teenage pregnancy you may even see a grand parent trying to party with the child. Can you image how embarrassing it would be if your parent or grand parent is trying to date your friend!!
I hear the voices of many parents crying out that it's difficult to try to work and raise a child! I don't have any "me time". Since when did "me time" become more important than "he/she or their time". I hear other parents saying "No one... for me". My response to that is then you know how it felt and you most certainly don't want to repeat the mistakes of your parents. There are two words that is often misused and misunderstood and they are called "sacrifice and maturity". Neither of these words can be partially done. They can only be done completely or not at all.
I understand this is a touchy subject. But, I believe you can handle it, because you are an adult. I feel it is necessary to sometimes give voice to voiceless. If the children were to say these things we may not pay attention, or tell them they are lazy. I say will say this "Our children did not ask to be here. We decided by our actions." Therefore, as it is written in scriptures. "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." (I Cor. 13:11 NIV) , it is necessary to be adults our children desire and need.
How do we do this? Simple. Take full responsibility in guiding, guarding, and governing them. If you don't understand how to do those things seek help. Not from the television but from some who is doing it or has done it. You have seen children that are well-mannered. Talk to their parents. Send me an email or post. They worse thing we can do is to do nothing. The lives of our children are at stake. Those of you who don't have children, the children of everyone else will be controlling the world you live in. Remember no one person is born with all the answers.
Here is my final nugget to help you help them. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matt 7:7 NIV). Don't let fear or ego destroy your child. The information, teaching, training and support is out there. The mouth that is open gets feed.
If this blog has helped you in any way please leave me a comment. Thank you.
Until next time:
Keep Fighting the B.E.A.R.
Dewong Lucas, Sr.